Automatic translation from Italian, under review.
This text by the Mother is taken from the Diary of her youth.[1]
Never as now have I felt free, free as the air, as the birds that fly far away, high, ever higher… now life bursts forth with force, with passion, overwhelmingly. God wins in me… I seem to hear the music of Reality: a leaf stirred by the wind, the colors of a flower, the green of a meadow, the sparkling gaze of one who loves us, the vibrating of the other’s being who, meeting us, reveals us to ourselves, the goodness of one who suffers silently, humbly, the strength of one who gives with joy, the love that fuses us for eternity; everything sings within me like a marvelous music, in which the breath of God is present.
At times it is as if the music ceases, and then, in the silence of my inmost self, from abysmal distances God calls me, draws me, pushing me toward darkness I do not know… and I find myself there, before his mystery, with a strange suffering within, which, joining with joy and fear, urges me to seek him still, though I feel profoundly incapable of following him by myself. But God is the God of the impossible: he will make this poor and limited humanity of mine luminous too, flooding it with himself. At other times it is as if he seized me, overwhelming me with his love, confounding me with his gifts. I do not know how I do not die before the wonders of his love for me… and yet I go on living with the weight of my limits and my fears, unable to lose myself in the contemplation of this extraordinary God, who suddenly took the helm of my life from my hands and took it directly into his own. Now it is he who steers, while I, no longer mistress and master of my ship, feel joy and fear as I abandon myself to the new Helmsman.
[1] Diary of her youth. Messina, probably before 1971, Archive of the religious Institute of the Sisters of Beautiful Love, Motherhouse, Palermo, Sec. Sr. N.a.